My Story
Let's get one thing straight: Fat people aren't dumb. At least, they're no more dumb than the general population.
Most of us who are overweight know that we're overweight. We know it every time we look in the mirror, every time we see the size tag in our clothes. We also know all the negative consequences of being overweight, both the long-term health effects (heart disease, diabetes, etc.) and the short-term effects (not being able to walk up a flight of stairs without being winded).
Most of us even know, at least on a basic level, what it takes to lose weight: eat less, move more. Simple, right?
Well, in the words of an old friend of mine, it's simple … not easy.
I've struggled with being overweight my entire life. I grew up being made fun of by my classmates, dreading gym class, and wearing double-knit polyester pants. I started reading diet books at the age of eleven, though I was never able to stick with diets for very long. My parents were both overweight, and bad eating habits were the rule in our household rather than the exception.
Me in my freshman year of college, February 1993
I lost a bit of weight during my freshman year of college, only to gain a lot more over the next three years—blame stress, bad eating habits, a boyfriend who also ate a lot, whatever. During my senior year, I flirted with the cabbage soup diet only to give it up when the soup leaked all over my book bag. The only time I lost weight was the summer I spent in Spain, when I was eating less and walking everywhere. But the pounds came back when I returned home and resumed my American habits. By the time I graduated from college, I had more or less given up on ever losing weight.
Me in May 1997
Then, while working as an editorial assistant at what is now ET@MO here at MU, I had to edit and format a nursing course that included a link to a prominent weight loss Web site. I poked around that site and became intrigued. I got inspired to start making tiny changes in my eating habits—namely, I gave up regular soda for diet and began eating more fiber. Over the course of about six months, I lost nearly 20 pounds. I got even more motivated and started posting on the diet Web site's message board and working out regularly. I lost another 50 or so pounds over the next year. In the fall of 1999, I was asked to become a volunteer moderator of one of the message boards on that site; a month later, I was offered a full-time job.
Me at the Kansas City Renaissance Festival, October 2000
During my first year of working for the diet Web site, I was able to lose another 40 pounds. I regained about 15 pounds in the second year, but I was still working out avidly—walking, jogging, step aerobics, weightlifting, and Spinning classes. I was even contemplating a walking marathon. But at the end of 2001, I was hit with an incredibly stressful situation and … I let all of my weight loss efforts go. I stopped exercising. I stopped caring what I ate. By spring of 2003, I had regained all the weight—and it didn't stop there.
Yet I continued to work for the diet Web site, though I stepped down to part-time after taking my current job. I worked with the site dietitian to plan, research, and edit feature articles. I researched and wrote daily email tips to help our members with eating, exercising, and staying motivated. I answered member emails and hosted a weekly chat. All this while letting the pounds pile back on, to the point where I reached my highest weight ever.
In fact, much of the inspiration for this site stems from what I learned doing research for those articles and tips. As someone who was overweight herself, I knew what it was like to pick up the latest weight loss book or magazine article only to find the same old trite advice. I tried to provide content for our members that addressed some of the deeper issues.
Me (and Justin), Christmas 2004
So, there you have it. I've lost weight successfully in the past, so I know I can do it. I've worked in the diet industry, and I can rattle off nutrition and fitness information almost as well as a dietitian or personal trainer. I only need to look around me to find some very good reasons to lose weight. My overweight parents are both diabetic and both suffer from a lot of joint and pain problems; my father, who is just 60 years old, has had two hip-replacement surgeries and has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. My husband and I very much want to have children soon, and I know that my weight puts me at risk for pregnancy complications.
I'm tired of getting breathless from just walking up a hill, tired of not being able to find nice clothes that fit (and don't cost a fortune), tired of wondering in the back of my mind "Is it because I'm fat?" if I meet someone who doesn't seem to like me. I miss being able to put a pair of headphones, get on the treadmill or the trail, and lose myself in music and motion for an hour. Yet … I still can't seem to find the focus, the "click," that I need to renew my long-forgotten healthy habits.