Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity FAQ

What does the term “sexual orientation” mean?

“Sexual Orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction to another person. It is easily distinguished from other components of sexuality including biological sex, gender identity (the psychological sense of being male or female) and the social gender role (adherence to cultural norms for feminine and masculine behavior). Sexual orientation exists along a continuum that ranges from exclusive homosexuality to exclusive heterosexuality and includes various forms of bisexuality. Bisexual persons can experience sexual, emotional and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex. Persons with a homosexual orientation are sometimes referred to as gay (both men and women) or as lesbian (women only). Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Persons may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors.” (from the American Psychological Association www.apa.org)

What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation?

“There are numerous theories about the origins of a person's sexual orientation; most scientists today agree that sexual orientation is most likely the result of a complex interaction of environmental, cognitive and biological factors. In most people, sexual orientation is shaped at an early age. There is also considerable recent evidence to suggest that biology, including genetic or inborn hormonal factors, play a significant role in a person's sexuality. In summary, it is important to recognize that there are probably many reasons for a person's sexual orientation and the reasons may be different for different people.” (from the American Psychological Association www.apa.org)

How do I know if I am or someone else is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender?

The idea that there is a way to ultimately determine someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity is based on the notion that sexual orientation and gender identity are fixed entities. That is to say that they are constants across one’s lifespan and do not change over time. This point of view represents the essentialist position on sexual orientation and gender identity. However, there is another point of view—the constructivist position, which holds that sexual orientation and gender identity are merely convenient labels which society provides to describe behaviors which can change over the lifespan. That said, some people who identify as GLBT say that they knew from a very early age that they were different from others, while others indicate that they did not adopt their sexual identities until much later in life. Regardless of whether you take an essentialist or constructivist position on this issue, it is the right of each individual to choose his/her sexual orientation and gender identity and to change that label at any time for any reason. No one has the authority to insist that another person is “really” gay but just won’t admit it/doesn’t know it yet or to demand that someone adopt a particular identity based on perception or behavior. Only the individual can choose what label, if any, he/she wants to use to describe his/her sexual orientation or gender identity.

What does it mean to be gay or lesbian?

A person who identifies as gay or lesbian does so because he or she experiences strong physical, emotional, and romantic feelings for people of the same sex.

What does it mean to be bisexual?

“The term bisexual can be used to refer either to people’s sexual behavior or to their sexual identity. This distinction is made because behavior and self-selected labels do not always correspond. The prefix “bi” literally means two and is therefore used to refer to the dualistic nature of attraction to or sexual behavior with members of both sexes. In strictly behavioral terms, bisexuality indicates that an individual has had sexual experiences with members of both sexes. Based on research from the Kinsey Study on human sexuality, it is believed that as much as 28 percent of women and 46 percent of men have been behaviorally bisexual at some point in their lives. In terms of using bisexuality to refer to an individual’s sexual identity, it applies to individuals who have chosen to identify, either outwardly or inwardly, as bisexual. In this case, bisexuality is believed to indicate the potential to feel attracted to members of both sexes, regardless of whether the feelings are acted upon or not. Due to the controversial nature of assuming and maintaining an openly bisexual identity, it is difficult to estimate what percentage of the population is bisexually identified.”

“While it may be tempting to conceptualize the world as comprised of three groups, heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual, research indicates that it is more helpful to conceive of sexual attraction and orientation as existing on a continuum, such as the following which has been adapted from Kinsey:

The area in between the end points of 1 and 7, represents those who are attracted to both sexes to varying degrees. While many people assume that bisexuality must represent the exact mid-point between the two poles of exclusive heterosexuality and exclusive homosexuality, studies indicate that rarely do bisexually-identified individuals perceive themselves as being equally attracted to both sexes. Rather, most self-identified bisexuals indicate that they have a clear preference for one sex over the other, often in a 40/60, represented by 3 or 5 on the above scale, or 30/70, represented by 2 or 6 on the above scale, split.”

“Although a number of people may engage in sexual activity with members of both their own sex and the other sex across the lifespan, relatively few will choose to identify as bisexual. Also, there are some who choose to self-identify as bisexual, despite never having had sexual experiences with members of their own sex and/or members of the other sex. This raises the question of how a person comes to claim a bisexual identity, if sexual behavior does not always determine identity.”

“While there are numerous models describing gay and lesbian identity development, there are relatively few models that define bisexual identity development. This is believed to be reflective of the general lack of attention that has been paid to bisexuality by theorists and researchers alike, who tend to lump bisexuality in with gay and lesbian identities. Bisexual identity development models are different from gay and lesbian identity development models because they tend to be non-linear, more complex, and remain open-ended due to the fluid nature of bisexuality. The following four-stage model, based on interviews with bisexually-identified individuals, was proposed by Weinberg, Williams, and Pryor in 1994:”

“Some theorists within the fields of psychology and sex research believe that sexual orientation is dichotomous, meaning that people are either exclusively heterosexual or exclusively homosexual. This idea stems from the notion that men and women are opposites and therefore it is not possible for one person to experience attraction to both sexes. In the conflict model of bisexuality, it is believed that bisexual people are confused and conflicted over their sexual orientation, likely to be in a transition phase from heterosexuality to homosexuality, and employing the bisexual label as a defense against adopting a homosexual identity. The conflict model fits well with many of society’s stereotypes about sexual orientation including the idea that any amount of same-sex attraction is indicative of an underlying exclusive same-sex orientation. Also, the conflict model reflects the suspicion and skepticism present both within mainstream heterosexual society and some gay and lesbian groups about the validity and permanence of a bisexual identity. Research indicates that while popular wisdom may hold that this model fits the majority of bisexually-identified people, in reality it represents a small minority of bisexuals.”

“In contrast to those who support the conflict model of bisexuality, some theorists do not view sexual orientation as dichotomous, but rather as existing on a continuum (see above). From this viewpoint, it is possible to conceive of bisexuality as existing as a real and enduring identity, rather than as a pathological avoidance of one’s homosexual identity. The flexibility model views bisexually identified individuals as capable of moving fluidly between same-sex and other-sex relationships. Although this model does acknowledge that a bisexual identity can result in ambivalence in some instances, it does not insist that the identity is inherently problematic as does the conflict model. The flexibility model is in keeping with the growing body of social science research that indicates that bisexuality is indeed a valid and enduring identity for some individuals.”

“Biphobia is the fear of bisexual people and the bisexual identity. Negative attitudes about bisexuality exist both within the heterosexual and gay/lesbian communities. While bisexual individuals are certainly impacted by homophobia, fear of homosexuality, they also experience a form of oppression and discrimination that is unique to bisexuality. In addition, biphobia can come from an external source or from within. Internalized biphobia refers to the acceptance and internalization of negative messages about bisexuality by bisexual individuals. Fear of bisexuals and bisexuality stems from and is maintained by a variety of myths about bisexuality. Myths about bisexuality include the notion that bisexuality does not exist or is merely a transition stage between heterosexuality and homosexuality, the idea that bisexuals cannot be monogamous or need to have partners of both sexes, and the belief that bisexuals are more promiscuous or are likely to leave one partner for a partner of the other sex. All of these myths translate into a general sense of distrust of bisexuals. It is important to remember that bisexuals are a diverse group of people and many do not fit within these stereotypes.”

“The notion of bisexuality may be difficult to comprehend because it does not fit within the traditional dualistic conceptualization of the world as being comprised of numerous either/or choices such as black or white, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual. Rather, bisexuality challenges traditional thinking about sex, gender, and the fixedness of sexual orientation. Bisexuality represents a real, valid, crystallized identity that is separate and different from heterosexuality and homosexuality. Nevertheless, bisexual people face discrimination and hate crimes just as gay and lesbian individuals do. Although increasingly more research is being conducted on bisexuality as a unique identity, a deficit still remains in understanding this identity.” (From the Encyclopedia of Human Development, Bronson)

What is the difference between a person who identifies as transvestite, transsexual and transgendered?

The term transvestite is a term used to refer to someone who dresses in the clothing typically associated with the other gender (i.e. men who dress in stereotypically feminine attire or women who dress in stereotypically masculine attire). The term cross-dresser is also used to describe individuals who have a desire to assume the clothes, appearance, and behavior of the other gender (Muellenhard, 2002). Cross-dressing is something that is done for a number of reasons and it is not necessarily associated with any particular sexual orientation. For more information, refer to the Beaumont Society website at http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/

The term transsexual refers to people whose sexual identity is other than the identity they were assigned at birth. Transsexual individuals experience discontent with their gender identity from early childhood and believe that their internal selves are consistent with the body of the other sex. There is often a strong feeling of gender dysphoria—a sense to one is trapped in the body of the wrong sex, that accompanies the adoption of a transsexual identity. It is estimated that there are about 30,000 transsexuals worldwide. Although there are a greater number of male-to-female transsexuals who opt for sex reassignment surgery, it is believed that there are equal numbers of female-to-male transsexuals who simply do not opt to have surgery. Not all transsexual individuals undergo sex reassignment surgery for a variety of reasons including expense, surgical limitations, and personal preference (Crawford & Unger, 2000).

The term transgendered and the larger transgendered movement refers to people who wish to move beyond individual gender identities and challenge society’s notions of what is male and what is female. These individuals want to dispute what they believe to be an arbitrary system of classifying sex and gender as being either male or female and basing this distinction on supposed biological differences between the two. Rather, they would prefer that society allow for the possibility of numerous genders and multiple social identities. Members of the transgendered movement advocate for violating the rules by which sex and gender are constructed by society, although others often find their questioning of the “natural order” of things disturbing. Essentially, the purpose of the movement is to question traditional cultural definitions of sex and gender that are often taken for granted (Crawford & Unger, 2000). For additional information and ideas on transgender issues and the transgendered movement read Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook.

What does it mean to be intersexed?

The question of what makes someone intersexed is quite complex and addresses a number of other issues including what sex is, the differences between sex and gender, and how sex is determined. Let’s start by defining sex and gender. Simply put, sex can be though of as being comprised of the biological differences between men and women. Gender, then, consists of the qualities that society ascribes to men and women. To understand gender better, think of how we tend to dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink. This is a function of gender, not sex (Muellenhard, 2002). Addressing the question of how sex is determined, it is important to understand that there are many aspects to being male and female including chromosomes, hormones, internal sex organs, external sex organs, gender identity, gender roles, and sexual orientation. It is interesting to note that, although all of these aspects of sex and gender often match up, this is not always the case (Crawford & Unger, 2000). In other words, it is possibly for someone to be born appearing to be female based on external genitalia, yet having the chromosomes of a male (this would be known as complete androgen insensitivity). According to the research of Fausto-Sterling (2001), it is estimated that approximately 1-2% of all newborn infants are born intersexed.

So how is it possible that a person could be born with the sex chromosomes of one sex, yet having the external genitalia of the other sex? First it is important to understand that all human fetuses begin with what is called bipotential internal and external sex organs. In other words, prior to a certain level of development, both male and female fetuses begin with the same building blocks for their sexual organs. Therefore, depending on what hormones the fetus is exposed to and how their developing bodies make use of those hormones, the same raw materials can develop into either a set of internal and external female or male sex organs (Crawford & Unger, 2000). With this in mind, let’s take a look at the different types of commonly-known intersexed conditions:

Androgen Insensitivity: Androgen insensitivity, which can either be complete or partial, occurs when a male fetus possessing testes produces androgens but is unable to make use of these androgens due to a lack of necessary enzymes and therefore fails to develop external sex organs which appear to be male (i.e. a penis and descended testicles). Instead, this developing fetus, depending on the extent of the androgen insensitivity, will develop external sex organs that appear either completely female or ambiguous (Crawford & Unger, 2000; Muellenhard, 2002).

Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia: CAH, also known as adrenal genital syndrome, occurs when the adrenal glands of a female fetus malfunction producing large quantities of androgens. Because of the developmental timing of this disorder, babies with CAH are born with female internal sex organs, yet having external sex organs which appear to be male (Crawford & Unger, 2000; Muellenhard, 2002).

5-Alpha-Reductase & 17-Beta-Hydroxysteroid Dehydrogenase Deficiency: The issue involved in these two tongue-twisting disorders is the lack of enzymes that convert testosterone into the androgen that will produce external male genitalia during fetal development. In male fetuses with this developmental abnormality, they are born with undescended testes and external genitalia that look either ambiguous or female. At puberty, however, the increased production of testosterone by the testes leads to an enlargement of the penis and testicles and the development of male secondary sex characteristics. In other words, at puberty a child who was though to be a female essentially becomes male. Although this idea may be difficult to understand within our culture, the frequency of this disorder in the Dominican Republic has led to a surprising level of cultural acceptance of this seemingly-impossible change in sex and gender (Crawford & Unger, 2000; Muellenhard, 2002).

So how does society deal with babies who are born intersexed? In general, the medical community is still recommending early surgery to “correct” intersexed conditions. However, the Intersexed Society of North America (ISNA) and the North American Task Force on Intersex (NAFTI) strongly oppose early surgery in favor of informed consent and allowing the child to choose what options s/he would like to pursue when s/he is old enough to decide. Both of these groups are comprised largely of intersexed individuals who have themselves been subjected to the dictates of “expert” physicians offering surgical “corrections.” At present, an overwhelming majority of intersexed people who have experienced surgical interventions are vehemently opposed to this practice for the following reasons: (1) it is sexually mutilating, (2) it communicates that the child is unacceptable as s/he currently is, and (3) many intersexed people reject the sex that medical “experts” have assigned to them and feel that surgery has deprived them of both their sexual responsiveness as well as the chance to make their own choices (Crawford & Unger, 2000; Muellenhard, 2002).

What is coming out?

Coming out is defined as a two-part process involving the acknowledgement of one’s sexual identity as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender internally—to oneself, and externally—to others. While many people think of coming out in terms of making direct verbal statements, it is also important to recognize that indirect methods of coming out also exist. These indirect methods might include displaying well-known GLBT symbols or acting as if one’s sexual orientation is already known (Evans & Broido, 1999).

It is important to think of coming out as a life-long process, rather than a one-time event, that can occur at any point in one’s life, from the teen years to later in life. Coming out is something that people are likely to do repeatedly throughout their lives. The good news is that, the more experience a person has with coming out, the easier it usually becomes.

While some people believe that coming out is an essential developmental task that all GLBT people must complete, others recognize that coming out is a process that is often influenced by various life circumstances. In general, the decision to come out should be based on an individual’s appraisal of the potential costs and benefits of revealing one’s sexual identity within a variety of life roles (i.e. student, child, friend), rather than being viewed as an absolute indicator of self-acceptance (Green, 2000).*

What are the pros and cons of coming out versus remaining closeted?

Research indicates that some of the benefits of coming out of the closet include an increased honesty and closeness with family and friends, self-affirmation, greater freedom, increased sharing, better mental health, feelings of pride, a sense of relief, the opportunity to develop relationships with other GLBT individuals, and the chance to make a political contribution. Conversely, some of the costs of coming out are rejection, other negative responses, feelings of hurt, betrayal, fear, exploitation, the loss of relationships, harassment, and violence (Boon & Miller, 1999).

Research shows that some of the costs of remaining closeted are the sense of living a lie, depression, awkwardness, shame, anxiety, increased stress, fear of being found out, self-censorship, and relationship strain. In contrast, some of the benefits of remaining closeted include feelings of security, freedom from harassment, a sense of personal safety, and the freedom to explore one’s sexuality without assigning labels (Ben-Ari, 1995).

Clearly there are both positive and negative aspects associated with coming out and staying closeted which should be recognized and considered before any decisions are made. One participant in a 1999 study by Evans and Broido summed up the costs and benefits of coming out by saying that,

“There are good and bad consequences to being out and not being out. I guess it all depends on how people are going to react, because if you come out and everyone’s really supportive, that can be really, really wonderful in terms of coming to terms with your identity. But, on the other hand, if you come out and everyone’s really hostile towards you, it can just push you really far back into the closet. Not coming out is hard, except if it’s going to avoid having to deal with negative experiences, and you’re not ready to deal with them.”*

What information should I consider before coming out?

Before deciding to come out to any important person in your life, it is essential that you consider both the potential costs and benefits of doing so. According to Green (2000), the choice to come out has five determinants:

1. the existing level of closeness and conflict in the relationship
2. the amount of contact with the individual in question
3. the importance of various types of support offered by the relationship (i.e. emotional or financial support)
4. the availability of other relationships in which similar support is available
5. an analysis of the potential benefits and risks of coming out based on the anticipated response of the individual in question

Although it is impossible to predict with any level of certainty how someone will respond to your revelation, it is helpful to be aware of the individual’s general attitudes towards GLBT issues and identities. In addition, being aware of whether the individual tends to hold conservative political, religious, or world views can also help with anticipating his/her reaction (Green, 2000).

The research that exists on issues of coming out can also be used to help you make an informed decision. Studies indicate that a high level of trust is necessary in a relationship where coming out is being considered (Miller & Boon, 2002). Research also shows that fathers tend to react more negatively to a child’s coming out than do mothers (D’Augelli, 2000). Sibling reactions tend to be more positive than parental reactions. In addition, it is helpful to know that if the relationship was generally positive prior to coming out, it is likely to remain so after coming out (Waldner & Magruder, 1999). Also, since being adequately informed about GLBT issues has been found to increase positive perceptions of GLBT individuals, it is recommended that you educate the person you are planning to come out to before coming out in order to pave the way to a positive response (Rhoads, 1995). Although it is impossible to predict what another’s reaction will be, it is possible and wise to consider how the recipient is likely to react based on what is know about the individual. Also, you should anticipate how you will manage the situation should the recipient react in a negative way.*

Some other helpful ideas include…

• Get a sense of how the person you wish to come out to might react beforehand. For example, you might watch a TV show or movie that has gay characters and then discuss it.
• Be aware of what is going on in the life of the person you wish to tell and try to pick a time when he or she can be most supportive.
• Be prepared for a wide range of reactions. Your confidant may be shocked, angry or not surprised at all.
• Remember how long it has taken you to come to terms with your sexual orientation or gender identity and give the person you are telling the same kind of time to adjust.
• If you are still in school and want to confide in a teacher or counselor, first learn the school’s confidentiality policy. Faculty or staff may be required to share the information you tell them with someone else. (You should be able to request a copy of the policy from the main school office.)

Can therapy change someone’s sexual orientation?

“No. Even though most gay, lesbian, and bisexual people live successful, happy lives, some may seek to change their sexual orientation through therapy, sometimes pressured by the influence of family members or religious groups to try and do so. The reality is that homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable. However, not all gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who seek assistance from a mental health professional want to change their sexual orientation. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people may seek psychological help with the coming out process or for strategies to deal with prejudice, but most go into therapy for the same reasons and life issues that bring straight people to mental health professionals.” (from the American Psychological Association www.apa.org)

What About So-Called "Conversion Therapies"?

“Some therapists who undertake so-called conversion therapy report that they have been able to change their clients' sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Close scrutiny of these reports however shows several factors that cast doubt on their claims. For example, many of the claims come from organizations with an ideological perspective which condemns homosexuality. Furthermore, their claims are poorly documented. For example, treatment outcome is not followed and reported over time as would be the standard to test the validity of any mental health intervention. The American Psychological Association is concerned about such therapies and their potential harm to patients. In 1997, the Association's Council of Representatives passed a resolution reaffirming psychology's opposition to homophobia in treatment and spelling out a client's right to unbiased treatment and self-determination. Any person who enters into therapy to deal with issues of sexual orientation has a right to expect that such therapy would take place in a professionally neutral environment absent of any social bias.” (from the American Psychological Association www.apa.org)

Is Homosexuality a Mental Illness or Emotional Problem?

“No. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other mental health professionals agree that homosexuality is not an illness, mental disorder or an emotional problem. Over 35 years of objective, well-designed scientific research has shown that homosexuality, in and of itself, is not associated with mental disorders or emotional or social problems. Homosexuality was once thought to be a mental illness because mental health professionals and society had biased information. In the past, studies of gay, lesbian and bisexual people involved only those in therapy, thus biasing the resulting conclusions. When researchers examined data about these people who were not in therapy, the idea that homosexuality was a mental illness was quickly found to be untrue. In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association confirmed the importance of the new, better-designed studies and removed homosexuality from the official manual that lists mental and emotional disorders. Two years later, the American Psychological Association passed a resolution supporting the removal. For more than 25 years, both associations have urged all mental health professionals to help dispel the stigma of mental illness that some people still associate with homosexual orientation.” (from the American Psychological Association www.apa.org)

Portions of these responses were adapted from J. Bronson’s unpublished paper (2002) The Crisis of Coming Out: Applying Crisis Intervention Theory to the Experience of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Clients.

By Judy Bronson, University of Missouri-Columbia Counseling Center Intern. May 2004